TROUBLE AT THE OLD FARM [LVL 1, GP]

YASU
MISSING IN ACTION

1 (22)[M:1070]

Posts: 28

TROUBLE AT THE OLD FARM [LVL 1, GP] Dec 20, 2012 3:59:01 GMT -5

Post by YASU on Dec 20, 2012 3:59:01 GMT -5

Name.
TROUBLE AT THE OLD FARM [Level 1][GP]

Location.
Torubana Road; Fairy Circle

Objective.
An old farmer and his wife have requested the help of an adventurer or two. Things haven’t been going well for the elderly couple, and it appeared that they’ve had some troubles along the way. The most troublesome was the continuous ravage some monsters – arachnids – were causing to their crops. The second problem was that, due to some particularly aggressive bouts, many of their sheets and clothes were damaged beyond repairs. They hoped at least that someone would help them with their troubles.

Mission:
MAIN: Kill 5 Jumping Spiders (level 1, C-level 3)
MAIN: Kill 5 Longleg Spiders (level 1, C-level 3)
MAIN: Help out the old wife by making new clothes and sheets.

Participants.
-Yasu
-Nisha

Requested Rewards.
ITEM(S): Tailoring materials (Yasu)
ITEM(S): Silk items (Nisha)

Notes.
DU-DU-DU-DUDUO YEAAAAH!

Last Edit: Dec 20, 2012 12:41:21 GMT -5 by YASU

PROFILE | INVENTORY

NISHA PLAYER Posts: 317 C-LEVEL: 7 (53)	TROUBLE AT THE OLD FARM [LVL 1, GP] Dec 20, 2012 4:00:48 GMT -5 Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by NISHA on Dec 20, 2012 4:00:48 GMT -5 /jumps on the bandwagon of silky goodness
	profile & Inventory & Armor & Plotpage & Weapon

DUSTY DATA [M:0] Posts: 39	TROUBLE AT THE OLD FARM [LVL 1, GP] Dec 20, 2012 23:34:02 GMT -5 Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by DUSTY on Dec 20, 2012 23:34:02 GMT -5 ACCEPTED Reply here with a link to the IC thread and you'll be in progress!

YASU MISSING IN ACTION 1 (22)[M:1070] Posts: 28	TROUBLE AT THE OLD FARM [LVL 1, GP] Dec 20, 2012 23:53:22 GMT -5 Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by YASU on Dec 20, 2012 23:53:22 GMT -5 THREAD IN PROGRESS
	PROFILE \| INVENTORY

YASU MISSING IN ACTION 1 (22)[M:1070] Posts: 28	TROUBLE AT THE OLD FARM [LVL 1, GP] Dec 30, 2012 5:48:11 GMT -5 Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by YASU on Dec 30, 2012 5:48:11 GMT -5 We're done!
	PROFILE \| INVENTORY

DUSTY
DATA
[M:0]

Posts: 39

TROUBLE AT THE OLD FARM [LVL 1, GP] Dec 30, 2012 17:12:34 GMT -5

Post by DUSTY on Dec 30, 2012 17:12:34 GMT -5

COMPLETED

Nisha

SKILLUPS:
TWO-HANDED SWORDS. + 3
LIGHT METAL EQUIPMENT. + 3
PARRYING. + 3
ALCHEMY. + 0

STABLE FOOTING.+ 2
PERCEPTION.+ 3

EXPERIENCE:
500 EXP

MONEY:
500 COL

MISC:
SILK THREAD x2
SILK SCRAPS x3
SILK CLOTH x 2
GREEN WOOD PLANKS x2
RAWHIDE LEATHER SCRAPS x1

NOTES:

You can hold your ground with the stable footing skill. On the other hand, unless I have been gravely misinformed, you cannot throw something (such as a spider) back with it. It is a skill of stability, not strength. I think you knew that, but the wording was a bit vague...

Okay, so I am terrible at explaining grammar but I've noticed that on several occasions (over several quests) that you start a sentence with the present participle of a verb (-ing form) and just leave it there as the sole verb in the Subject-Verb-Object construction of your sentence. At first I thought it was just the result of hastiness, but I am starting to suspect that might not be the case. When starting a sentence with a participial phrase (there to modify the main clause), you need a main clause for it to modify. ex: "Looking deep into her eyes, he carefully stole her wallet." You cannot have a sentence that merely exists as: "Looking deep into her eyes," because if it was the main clause you'd just write 'He looked deep into her eyes.'

Yes, that was a piss-poor explanation, I'm sorry. OTL

Other than that, nice thread!

_______

YASU

SKILLUPS:
TWO-HANDED SPEARS. + 3
LEATHER EQUIPMENT. + 3
CARPENTRY. + 0
TAILORING. + 4

EXPERIENCE:
500 EXP

MONEY:
500 COL

MISC:
SILK SCRAPS x 2
SILK CLOTH x 1
SILK THREAD x 2
RAW WOLF MEAT x 1
SLAB OF PORK x 1
RAWHIDE LEATHER SCRAPS x 2
EQUIP

NOTES:
Congrats on your equip!

Stylistically, you probably want to avoid calling Yasu something as bland and formal as 'the man.' While true, it lacks specificity, making your prose feel weirdly stilted. Imagine involving several male characters in the thread: if you referred to each of them as 'the man' you'd quickly start confusing which character is which. Call him a spearman, a lancer, a tailor, a carpenter, a long-haired guy - IMO they'd all work just as well or better.

But hey, that's just my personal opinion speaking. Other than that, good work!