WANTED; THE LOST DOLL [LEVEL 1][GP]

COMPLETED

Noactualname

SKILLUPS:
ONE HANDED SWORDS. +0
HEAVY METAL EQUIPMENT. +0
SHIELD EQUIPMENT. +0
ARMORSMITHING. +0

SPRINTING. +0

EXPERIENCE:
250 EXP

MONEY:
250 COL

MISC:
SILK SCRAPS x 2
RAWHIDE LEATHER SCRAPS x 2
COPPER INGOT x 1
BRONZE INGOT x 1
PARSLEY x 1

NOTES:
You sadly left before any of the combat started so I can't exactly give you your skill-ups. While your writing was solid, save for some unnecessary switches to the present tense, and your character reacted fluidly and interestingly to the situation that was presented, you have a tendency to write really long paragraphs and that break immersion, just a bit.

Also, you kind of bailed on the thread. While I like to be generous, the grading guidelines are pretty frowny faced at that sort of thing. :I

Samaru

SKILLUPS:
TWO HANDED SWORDS. +2
HEAVY METAL EQUIPMENT. +3
PARRYING. + 1
MARTIAL ARTS. +3

SPRINTING. +0

EXPERIENCE:
500 EXP

MONEY:
500 COL

MISC:
SILK SCRAPS x 1
SILK CLOTH x 2
SILK THREAD x 2
COPPER INGOT x 1
BRONZE INGOT x 1
TIN INGOT INGOT x 1
GREEN WOOD STICKS x 1
RAWHIDE LEATHER SQUARES x 1

NOTES:
You write well, but I hope there's more to Samaru than just his previous disability: you brought it up a lot during the thread. It's understandable, but at the same time, disabled characters are (obviously) more than just their disabilities!

Regardless, this was an excellent start, and other than a few grammar mistakes (and oddly placed parentheses whose purpose I wasn't entirely sure of) your writing is entertaining and engaging. I trust you will find a way to make him grow, for good or for ill!

Nisha

SKILLUPS:
TWO HANDED SWORDS. + 3
LIGHT METAL EQUIPMENT. + 1
PARRYING. + 1
ALCHEMY. + 0

STABLE FOOTING. +1
PERCEPTION. +2

EXPERIENCE:
500 EXP

MONEY:
500 COL

MISC:
THYME x 2
SILK SCRAPS x 2
SILK CLOTH x 1
VIAL OF WEAK BLOOD x 2
BLACK PEPPERCORN x 2
VANILLA BEAN x 1

NOTES: Okay! So quick rule of thumb: when you have more speech than prose in your post, try to cut back! This was clearly a moment of high emotion for your character, not to mention a pretty entertaining speech, so I didn't dock points, but try to keep a look out for it on the future. It's just common courtesy to have other characters be able to get a word in edgewise, haha.

Other than that, solid work! Your rate of postage continues to draw gasps of admiration and despair from the peanut gallery.

Saskia

SKILLUPS:
ONE HANDED SWORDS. + 2
LIGHT METAL EQUIPMENT. + 3
SHIELD EQUIPMENT. + 2
PARRYING. + 1

ACROBATICS. +2

EXPERIENCE:
500 EXP

MONEY:
500 COL

MISC:
SILK SCRAPS x 1
SILK CLOTH x 1
SILK THREAD x 1
COPPER INGOT x 2
BRONZE INGOT x 1
TIN INGOT x 2
RAWHIDE LEATHER SQUARES x 2

NOTES: I am unfairly biased here seeing as I got to witness the character development in question but holy snap character development. I am sure it was a temptation to have Saskia go into a rant of her own, but I really enjoyed seeing her react both more maturely and in many ways more naively to her situation than in previous threads.

There were some minor grammar issues, and personally I think the self-introduction could have used some trimming, but overall your writing was excellent! Keep it up!