KickDodgeBall [KDB] [Solo]

Beast King
MISSING IN ACTION

1 (5)[M:2750]

Posts: 66

KickDodgeBall [KDB] [Solo] Dec 16, 2012 6:56:41 GMT -5

Post by Beast King on Dec 16, 2012 6:56:41 GMT -5

Name.
KickDodgeBall [KDB]

Location.
Town Of Beginnings

Objective.
"Dude.... Master Gouken's been working us like damned animals. We need to relax and have fun for once. Why don't you come down to the Dojo, and Jerry and I will show you how to play some KDB?"

Participants.
Beast King

Requested Rewards.
Lv. Up: Marital Arts
Lv. Up: Parrying
Lv. Up: Arts Stealth

Notes.
---*

[Avatar] | [Inventory] | [Shop] |
仲間

^{You wanna mess with a Vet?! Oh shit it's on, son!
Street-Fighter, spit flames! Long arms like Dhalsim!}

glu DATA [M:0] THE SWAG MONSTER Posts: 4	KickDodgeBall [KDB] [Solo] Dec 16, 2012 10:27:18 GMT -5 Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by glu on Dec 16, 2012 10:27:18 GMT -5 ACCEPTED Reply here with a link to the IC thread and you'll be in progress!

Beast King MISSING IN ACTION 1 (5)[M:2750] Posts: 66	KickDodgeBall [KDB] [Solo] Dec 19, 2012 19:42:07 GMT -5 Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Beast King on Dec 19, 2012 19:42:07 GMT -5 It is Finished. [/font][/justify]
	[Avatar] \| [Inventory] \| [Shop] \| 仲間 ^{You wanna mess with a Vet?! Oh shit it's on, son! Street-Fighter, spit flames! Long arms like Dhalsim!}

DUSTY DATA [M:0] Posts: 39	KickDodgeBall [KDB] [Solo] Dec 20, 2012 13:50:57 GMT -5 Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by DUSTY on Dec 20, 2012 13:50:57 GMT -5 IN REVIEW [/center][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote]

DUSTY
DATA
[M:0]

Posts: 39

KickDodgeBall [KDB] [Solo] Dec 20, 2012 14:31:51 GMT -5

Post by DUSTY on Dec 20, 2012 14:31:51 GMT -5

COMPLETED

Beast King

SKILLUPS:
MARTIAL ARTS. +3
LEATHER EQUIPMENT. +2
PARRYING. +3
ARMORSMITHING. +0

ARTS STEALTH. +0

EXPERIENCE:
300 EXP

MONEY:
300 COL

MISC:
BRONZE INGOT x1
SILK CLOTH x2
SILK THREAD x2
RAWHIDE LEATHER SCRAPS x2
VIAL OF WEAK BLOOD x1

NOTES: Glad to see a quest that wasn't just hack and slash! A note to beware of though: your paragraphs could definitely benefit from a little more division. Unfortunately, your first paragraph was a textbook example of 'wall of text'. Each person's line deserves it's own paragraph, occasionally each act and reaction can have its own line.

I mean really, unless you're trying to make some sort of artistic statement, don't feel scared of hitting that enter key. If each paragraph is over 300 words, it is probably too long.

Also, while you can refer to a guy as a male once or twice, having it be a constant refrain (I think you managed to repeat it three times in a single paragraph at one point) is, frankly, confusing. It's a weird stylistic choice to begin with and since everyone in the topic was a guy, it gets hard to differentiate who you're talking about.

Other than that I thought it was a very nice thread! Your grasp on grammar was definitely one of the best I've seen on the site so far (I think you missed a few commas, and had a few weirdly placed semi-colons, but it was definitely nothing major), and the dodgeball fight was very cinematic! Keep it up!